-Cannonized Cinema-
This is the first of a three-part series. The first will discuss movies being released in June of 2011. The second will discuss movies being released in July 2011 and will be published on June 20. The last will discuss movies being released in August 2011 and will be published on July 5.
It’s that glorious time of year for cinephiles. It’s the time for which we save up our hard-earned income, live at the movie theaters and survive off a balanced diet of soda & popcorn. It’s summer, which means summer movies! Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
As starving students, our money is precious. We can’t afford to waste money on lousy movies. But fear not. I have taken the liberty of dividing up the main films being released in June into three convenient categories:
Go See It, Wait for Redbox and Don’t Waste Your Life.
Heed my advice and you’ll enjoy the best movies this summer has to offer.
X-Men: First Class, June 3, Action-Adventure/Drama, Rated PG-13
I’m sorry, I didn’t see “X-Men: Last Stand” or “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” I was bored with the franchise. But this movie looks refreshing. It has a brand new cast, focusing on how Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr, a.k.a. Magneto, went from being friends to enemies. Set during the Cuban Missile Crisis, it offers a new twist to how history could have been.
Verdict: Go See It.
Ironclad, June 8, Action-Adventure, Rated R
Described as a “Medieval ‘Magnificent Seven,’” “Ironclad” focuses on a few men defending a castle from being captured by a corrupt king. From the looks of it, it’s light on plot and heavy on gratuitous stylized violence, with a hint of a “Braveheart” mentality. If raw hand-to-hand combat is your thing, then this movie definitely provides that.
Verdict: Wait for Redbox.
Super 8, June 10, Action-Adventure, Rated PG-13
Produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by J.J. Abrams, “Super 8” is about a group of kids who witness a horrific train accident while making a movie with a Super 8 camera. However, strange events and bizarre disappearances make the kids think what happened was no accident. While my first instinct is to pass on this film as being the cliché “Kids-Solve-The-Mystery-Because-Adults-Are-Stupid” kind of movie, there is definitely something far more sinister at play.
Verdict: Go See It.
Green Lantern, June 17, Action-Adventure, Rated PG-13
I admit that I’m a huge comic book dork and Green Lantern has so much potential for a great franchise. The film looks promising, combining humor, action and drama to create an enjoyable plot. My only possible qualm is the abundance of CGI animation. However, if done in a way similar to “Thor,” which balanced CGI heavy scenes with CGI light scenes, it won’t be too bad.
Verdict: Go See It.
Mr. Popper’s Penguins, June 17, Comedy/Family, Rated PG
Based on a favorite childhood book of mine, it stars Jim Carrey who has his world turned upside down when he receives a crate that contains six penguins. We all know Jim Carrey can be funny but I’m worried this may turn gimmicky, with Carrey relying on his standard goofiness instead of really trying. I’m skeptical but keeping my fingers crossed. Also, it has Angela Lansbury! Who can say no to that?
Verdict: Go See It.
Bad Teacher, June 24, Comedy, Rated R
“Bad Teacher” about a horrible teacher, played by Cameron Diaz, who suddenly starts to actually teach her kids, albeit, in horrible, sadistic ways. What’s her motivation for suddenly caring about her job? She wants win a bonus for the highest test scores so she can get a boob job to impress the new teacher, played by Justin Timberlake. This film seems to have no redeeming qualities. It doesn’t even look like Ms. Diaz learns anything in the end. It’s movies like this that make me wonder if the people involved realize they’re making a crappy film.
Verdict: Don’t Waste Your Life
A Little Help, June 24, Comedy, Rated R
“A Little Help” is classic “feel-good” movie about a woman in an ordinary life who must find a way to get by when her cheating husband dies, leaving her and their son broke. It looks cute and funny and, again, makes you feel good. If that’s your thing, then by all means go see it. As for me, I can wait.
Verdict: Wait for Redbox
Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon, June 29, Action-Adventure, Not Yet Rated
No, Michael Bay. No. Did you see that last travesty you called a Transformer movie? Was there a plot hidden somewhere behind those gratuitous explosions? Also, did that Transformer need to have testicles swinging from its loins? That’s just stupid. Don’t even get me started on the hyper-sexualization and objectification of Megan Fox. So no, I will not see your third attempt at a Transformer movie. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…
Verdict: Don’t Waste Your Life
Written by Kelly Cannon, a self-proclaimed cinephile, Cannonized Cinema will cover everything within the world of film. Whether they’re classic, cult, foreign or family-friendly, any film has potential to be Cannonized. For more Cannonized Cinema, click here.
