Man vs. toilet

Who of you on this campus hasn’t used a restroom at UVU and before you’re finished the toilet’s automatic system decides to abruptly flush, violently spraying toilet water all over your lower half? I’ve cowardly entered the campus restrooms in fear for years, but a few weeks ago revelation struck me. As had happened a hundred times before, the toilet’s sensor caught me as I moved half an inch to one side and its power jets doused me with water, but at the same time a brilliant idea hit me. I realized if you keep the sensor covered, you can take your time and not worry about the cyclone waters below. It took some experimenting, but I’ve developed a system — and I’m giving you pearls here, so don’t take this advice with a grain of salt.
After entering the stall, immediately move forward, grabbing a sheet of toilet paper approximately five sheets long. Ever so carefully approach the terror sensor, gently draping the toilet paper over it. To be safe, place a second sheet of toilet paper over the first. SLOWLY sit, as to not create a wind that could blow the toilet paper off the sensor (it’s about a foot behind you). Now you can have relief as you relieve yourself.

So there it is. Don’t say I never did anything for you. Next week, entering the bathroom stall without getting your leg rubbed up against the toilet bowl as you squeeze past the inward opening door.



Hall of Flags Mess

One day around 4 o’clock I was walking through the Hall of Flags. Most of the students had gone home from the day and the hall was empty. I noticed the Hall of Flags was rather messy. The chairs were scattered and trash was all over the floor.

Imagine if someone of prominence was to walk through our hall? What image would this mess leave? After you have used a chair as a footstool make sure to put it make into place and throw any trash away. Not only will those responsible for cleaning up the mess thank you but it leaves a more appropriate image of our school.

Abby Elieson


PlusMan, what the [email protected]*%! ?

What is with this guy? I would think that a vastly funded institution of higher learning in coordination with a professional banking institution could come up with a better mascot.

The advertisement that runs almost every week in this publication is not only annoying; it is distasteful. He says, “I’m thinking a less-skinny Audrey Hepburn who can score better deals than the Amish Mafia.” I have been taught to stay away from stereotypes as well as offensive statements, obviously two concepts PlusMan has not learned.

His comment about Audrey Hepburn is a slap in the face to the millions who suffered in Europe as a result of WWII. According to an article written in 1991 by Lesley Garner, Hepburn said, “I had acute anaemia, respiratory problems and oedema — swelling of the limbs as a result of malnutrition.” Along with this disease it was rumored that in her later years she had anorexia, which is also a disease that should not be taken lightly.

PlusMan’s comment about the Amish Mafia is also a very bad stereotype. He is implying that, first of all, the Amish have a mafia and, second, that they have the ability to “score deals.” I doubt that either one of these statements are true. The implications of that they are true is offensive.

Just go home and stay there, PlusMan.

Ragina Filange


Cheerleading stunts and injuries
During the fall and winter seasons there are several sporting events to attend. But have you ever noticed those on the sidelines who are cheering for the team? I’m not talking about the crowd, but the cheerleaders. These girls and sometimes boys can spend several hours critiquing their stunts and cheers. Many times these stunts can be very harmful and can have a negative effect on the squad. Some stunts are illegal for high school cheer squads, but legal for college squads. Why put different restrictions on students when they only have a couple years between them?

Colleges can have better squads, and usually more boys will cheer in college squads than high school squads. Many people argue that certain students shouldn’t have restrictions, while many say that there should be more on college squads. Many cheerleaders are hurt each year from stunt injuries and many of these injuries can lead to paralysis. Where does the cheer coach need to draw the line to make sure a squad is being kept safe, and how should they enforce the laws for safe cheerleading?