Hey Wolverina-spinsties, time to get your babe on and get a life! It’s me, Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole, or TAMN, and bragging is a downer but honestly, I have the bEsT LifE eVeR and me and my hubbers, Jordan/Jason/Wes/Taylor (JJWT, or J-Dub, or Angelbabe) are what happily ever after looks like.
I fill way bad for those of you who can’t even get a date let alone a hub and babies and playgroup. So, sit down, put up those Uggs slash stilletos and prepare to find true luv. Ready!?!
First off, Jeeps and trucks only, girls. Anything else and he prolly doesn’t even tan, which = sad. An easy way to spot a keeper is by how much briter his teeth are than anything around him, like a glow-in-the-dark beacon of hot. Basic rule: when the tan is deep, he’s hotter than bleep.
Don’t even THINK about dating someone w/o stellar summer sells experience and serious plans for law/biz/med/dental school. Ugh. Otherwise you’ll get stuck having to work, sharing a car {shudder} and next thing you know, you guys can’t afford unlimited texting, your dying your hair from some freaking box and if you ever want natural fro-yo your stuck hitting up Maverick instead of Spoon Me. Forget Pal trips, you’ll be lucky to go to the chalk festival in Spanish Fork as a fam. That’s why law/biz/med/dental school plans are exspecially vital.
Mascara, mascara, mascara. Overdoing this is IMPOSSIBLE. When ppl say you have tarantula eyez, it means your SO hot even a hairy spider couldn’t resist!
Also never wear sweats, BUT, if you do wear sweats, make sure there is something sassy written on your bottom. Do NOT actually workout. Standing around Golds looking available is fine, dripping sweat like some workhorse frump is disgusting, and it’s not my fault you don’t have the self control to go off food.
Also, quit wearing long sleeves. Seriously, they make you look uptight and like forty. Cap sleeves are best, TRUST ME, way more shaved-arm available to tickle in movies.
Remember UVU girls, this is your time to UTILIZE THE HALL OF FLAGS CATWALK!
Seriously, no shame in walking backin forth 8-10 times each hour, it’s all about the advertising, and the more deliberately you chompalomp your gum while checking VM but pretending to talk to someone, the hotter you look! Serious!
Also, shouting SHUT UP! is a fun and way easy thing to do when all else fells. Plus what’s nice about SHUT UP! is that you can use it when your happy, frowny, suprised, frustrated, flirty, ticked.doesn’t matter, always rocks, and soon you’ll be talking in baby voices about how much you lurve e/o!
CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR HOW IT GOES!
TAMN owns and writes for her blog Seriously, So Blessed!
