Bad personal ads

Reading Time: 3 minutes

As Valentine’s day approaches, some singles seem to scramble to find a date in order to avoid having to be alone on this dreaded day.

One popular choice for those looking for a hot date is to take out a personal ad. And today with the Internet, personal ads are even easier to post. Yet some have not mastered the art of writing a personal ad, and instead of getting a date, they are publicly humiliated. In the spirit of this emotionally damaging holiday, here are some personal ads that just might not get a call back.

-Woman seeking Man: I’m a cute short blonde with blue eyes. I don’t know what I’m looking for, and I don’t know why I filled this thing out. I guess I’m mostly just killing time while it’s so cold outside. Call if your interested in killing time with me till it warms up.

-Man seeking Woman: I am a tall guy with dark hair, and brown eyes. I have a successful job that I spend a lot of time at, but I need someone to talk to when I occasionally have down time. I’ve never done one of these before. I don’t expect much from it. And I won’t talk to just anyone. I have high expectations.

-Rambo-Type handsome male seeks lovely blonde, spiritual, widow/divorcee who is childless, wealthy, self-sustaining but needs a good looking man for a resplendent marriage. I offer private trainer help for your total body/face makeover for new beginnings… and you too can be as beautiful as me.

-Average looking guy looking for a friend. I’m not looking for a NCMO just someone to cuddle with and watch a movie or something. I need a few hours to get my mind off school and work and just be able to relax. If you want a grrrreat cuddle buddy hit me up! Put I’ll be your buddy in the subject line:)

-I am 22, 6’2, Fat (but a lot of people say I have a cute face).

-I am a bored student and don’t really have anything particular I’m looking for, just someone that’s fairly cute who wants to hang out. I don’t live with my mom anymore, so we can play video games all night if you want. I’ve got an xbox!

-I am very short, attractive, and mexican… yet i don’t speak spanish.

-I am a tall brunette who likes to smile and occasionally laugh. I love nature and I am natural. I like traveling, climbing and jogging outdoors. I like reading poetry and fairy tales. Do you like “The lion king”? If you do, we have a lot in common. Sometimes I am motivated, but occasionally I am so lazy. Ok, that’s me.

-My tern off has to be vidio games. I like them but if you spend more than an hour or two with the playstation a day don’t call me. I want a relationship not a child.

-Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness looking for 24 year old needy leech-like hanger-on to abuse with dull stories and Herb Alpert albums.

-If there are any women out there without any insecurities at all, this man just might be for you. Otherwise, let’s move on.
-Let me reassure you that I have my own car, job, apartment, hair and teeth. Who needs anymore than that?

-Nemesis Wanted: I’m 5’10 into kayaking, books and conversation (by day), justice, honour and vengeance (by night).  Seeking arch-enemy, possibly crimelord or deformed megalomaniac.

-Single male seeks double-jointed supermodel who owns a brewery and grows her own pot. Access to free concert tickets a plus.

These ads might not be good for getting a date, but they might be good for a laugh or use as a guide of “what not to do” should you decide to take out a personal ad yourself.

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