A belated apology to the Neaderthals

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Dear Neanderthal,

Recently, it was revealed that one of your kind, Shanidar, had been speared in the back by one of my ancient forebears. This, in addition to other such evidence that shows homosapiens were actively engaged in hominidcide leads me to issue an apology in the tradition of apologies given long, long after the fact. Think of it as something like the Catholic Church and Gali… oh, sorry. You weren’t there.

Here you have it Neanderthal: I apologize for the genocide of your species. Apparently my ancestors didn’t feel content to share the lush wilderness of the European landscape with you. But you gotta realize that there are two passions that largely sum up the homosapien — sex and violence (rock and roll comes much later). Out-breeding and murdering you off the face of the planet seemed quite necessary at the time. This was before the 60s, remember. None of that peace and love crap got anyone anywhere in the Stone Age. Maybe that’s not entirely true, and maybe I’m excusing the egregious crimes of early humans. But hey, let’s face it Neanderthal, our cognitive abilities kicked your ass in the field. That kind of power is hard to resist using. Maybe you should’ve eaten more fish like Cro Magnon.

Again, I’m sorry that you couldn’t even harvest berries from the bushes without worrying about whether my kind was circling about you. It’s a shame that we couldn’t remember the good ole’ Homoerectus days of our past, coexist, and dance around the campfire. You may have been clumsy and funny-looking, but those are poor excuses for bad behavior. In short, I just wanted to say that my ancestors demonstrated whack behavior.


A guy who is way too conscientious, but in an obligatory way

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