It’s Complicated: Three’s a Crowd

Illustration by Kevin Baggarly

Dear Reagan,

I matched with a couple on Tinder and they messaged me shortly thereafter. How in the world do I flirt with them? Do I have to address both of them in things I say? Help! 
— Looking and Lost

Dear Looking,
I think the first order of business is to figure out exactly what the couple is looking for. Is this a polyamorous situation, where they are both equally committed to you as they are to each other? Or are you more of a feature of their relationship but not a main part of it? Find out what their interest in you is before diving too deep here.

As far as who to talk to, if the profile was set up by one member of the couple who was upfront about their relationship status, address that individual. If the couple made a joint profile, ask who you’re talking to and how they’d like to proceed. I’m sure they’d appreciate your willingness to ask questions.

When it’s time to get flirty, I have a feeling that if you took turns hitting on one member of the couple, the other wouldn’t be upset reading what you wrote about their partner. They know what they’re getting into and will likely be very about reading your steamy texts, whether it’s directed to them or not. 

The biggest thing is going to be communication, as it is in all types of relationships. Make sure everyone is on the same page and has made their desires (and their desires) clear upfront.

Best of luck,

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