“I’m either going to get a 4 point gps or hit fifteenth prestige in Black Ops, whichever impedes which.”
—Cameron Simek, features writer
“One of my friends told me, jokingly, that he was resolving to shoot people who deserved it. This was typical of the lack of seriousness people seem to have towards resolutions this year, but I feel more dedicated to following mine than ever before. I am resolving to be healthier, lighter, more organized, happier and to do things when I should. It’s a new year, so why not create a new and better you?”
—Lorna Marie Larson, features writer
“I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I have the attention span of a mosquito- I never remember what I’d resolved I’d do.”
—Loraine Gholdston, features writer
“My big New Year’s goal is to lose 50 pounds and be a ridiculous broad by this summer.”
—Natalie Psuik, designer
“I didn’t make them, but I’m sure I’ll be irritated by some of the people who did. When I go to the Rec Center I will see them: the New Year’s fitness revolutionists! They’re taking my parking, they’re clogging my spin class, they don’t realize they need to clean their sweat off the bikes, they seem to be blissfully unaware that the lane in the pool marked fast and the lane on the track marked for running are in fact for those things: swimming fast and running. Of course, why would most of you even care about etiquette? You will, after all, only be an irritant for the next couple months and, having lost that 5-20 pounds, be out of my hair and putting those pounds right back on! Hoorah for resolutions that are only skin deep!”
—Shane Maryott, photographer
“I would prefer to not talk about it. I made one and already broke it. Now I made a new one to not accomplish any goals.”
—Jarom Moore, assistant news editor
“It has been proven that if I set a resolution, I’m just setting myself up for failure. So maybe I’ll accomplish something this year.”
—Elyse Taylor, designer
“This year I need to stop pretending that if I swear in Spanish it’s not bad.”
—Sterling Gray, assistant news editor
“I didn’t want to make a big one, so this year I’m just going to try to only cross roads on crosswalks. (Long pause) And get a job.”
—Celeste Rosenlof, opinions editor
“Look at last year’s resolutions, copy and paste.”
—Mike Sanborn, assistant opinions editor
“I had one, but I can’t remember what it was.”
—Bryan Gomm, illustrator
