Haley Madison | Blog Editor | @haleyshantelle
I make bad decisions. Often I make bad decisions regarding food. My impulse led me one morning to a 7-Eleven where the morning light glared on the giant appliqué on the window advertising the franchise exclusive “Doritos LOADED” and I knew that despite the 9 o’clock hour, it was time.
The good part of ordering ready-made gas station food so early in the morning is having a rough estimate of when they were de-thawed. That’s the only good part. I ordered them and ignored the cashier trying to convince me that they “Really are good and pretty filling.” I had immediate regrets, as one does when making such irresponsible decisions, and set them on the center console for a few minutes. I needed to emotionally and physically prepare.
The little snacks come in a pack of 4 for $1.99 in their own special box with a perforated “gate” for easy access. The design makes me think that someone will use it as a chute to guzzle down their Loadeds and that’s too much for me.
I built up the courage and took a bite. The immediate taste is that of stale Doritos. Not good, not bad. Just cheesy nothingness. Then came the confusion on the filling. The advertisement on the window had made it seem like it was going to be a liquidy cheese filling while I was getting more of a “deep fried mac’n’cheese” vibe. I didn’t mind it, though. The outer coating is crunchy but not too crunchy and the more bites I took, the more prayers of thanks I sent up to the Doritos Gods that the filling wasn’t melty nacho cheese. I don’t think I would have been able to handle that. The flavor of forgotten Doritos from last weeks party is still there but the irrational part of me that still wants to die my hair blue kind of liked it. Now that I’ve had them, I probably won’t ever go back to them. They were a NCMO and a mediocre one at that.
I had two, Boyfriend had two and we were both done. Do I regret it? Physically: Surprisingly no. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually: Absolutely. Or maybe just a little.
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