Whether it is a three-month dedication to becoming the spitting image of Jack Sparrow or a quick thrift shop run on the eve of Hallow’s Eve, the Halloween costume has its own version of dedication and bravery.

The costume, a sort of mask away from normalcy and everyday living, allows for a day/night escape from fashion or style, or the non-fashion/non-style fashion or style if you are inclined on keeping it real under those terms.

Costumes seem to be expressive of inner bottled-up longings or desires. Sure, you say modest is indeed hottest, but this is October’s thirty-first day you are talking about, so you willingly choose to hike up that skirt and forget the undershirt for that dropped v-neck on this special night of pumpkins and candy.

I digress. The real mask is the one we put on the rest of the 364 days of the year. Khakis, ties, dresses – the whole gamut of our clothed expectations, taboos and standards. Does that mean the ‘real us’ wants to trounce around town bare-midriffed and made up Halloween style? I would presume not. But the permission to let loose is very thrilling.

It’s that expressive urge, which boils up for months and months until – POP – the release. And why is it okay to break the usual guidelines? Well, for one, it is now a cultural norm to dress up, sometimes in a risqué way. The reasoning lies somewhere near the comically absurd racist-rationalization, “It’s okay, I have a black friend.” But the phrasing is a little different – “It’s okay, it’s Halloween.” Perhaps the better comparison is a more intense business-casual Friday at work.
Whatever the case may be, let the hair down or grow it out, find your Tarzan/Jane and enjoy the hell out of Halloween, because in no time you’ll be back in your Old Navy/Urban Outfitters costume for another 364 days.

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Ello all. As you may remember, last week I talked about corn mazes, but this week, we go a bit deeper into the ‘Ween spirit and look at movies that set the mood for All Hallows.

Back when I was 12-years-old, me and my mate Berta went to see a movie we thought looked good. We were all ready and waiting for a bunch of blank-slate victims to be dispensed with in all manner of entertaining ways and what we got was ROSEMARY’S BABY. Things just weren’t the same after that. I don’t think poor Berta was at a time in his life to be confronted with young women birthin’ Satan’s bastards and had a funny turn. Well the movie gave me chills. I even named my first kitten Minnie Castevet.

Anyway, I was thinking about all those other films I saw that really affected me, so below is my list of the ones that messed me up in some way or another.

WHEN A STRANGER CALLS. Oh— My— Bob. Ya know that old story where the babysitter is in the house alone and then she keeps getting these calls and they’re coming from IN THE BLOODY HOUSE … oh my life, the first 20 minutes of that movie is like … like ooh waaaaahhhhh. What people don’t realize is, for the whole time he’s been chatting to the poor dear, the kids are already with baby Jesus. That contributed.
DRACULA: PRINCE OF DARKNESS. Seeing someone hung upside down to then have their throat slit into a coffin where the ashes of Dracula are waiting to be re-vampified – that contributed.

POLTERGEIST. Clowns, faces melting off, trees that eat you right the hell up, zombie filled swimmin’ pools and Zelda Rubinstein. That all contributed.
SCREAM 2. For a while I thought that if I found myself in a horror film I would survive ‘cause I know how to make the smart choices. People who make the smart choices in horror movies normally survive. But in the scene after Hallie and Sydney have climbed over the killer and out of the taxi to safety, Sydney wants to return and see who is under the mask. Hallie advises against that and says that smart people get out of there. So, Sydney, the silly moo, goes to peek anyway and finds the killer missing. Only he’s not missing, he’s right behind Hallie with a big ole knife. Smart people DO die in horror films and that contributed.

All of this (and more) contributed to the messin’ of Lydia Colt, but also the solidifying of my love for ‘Ween. So settle in with some sweeties or popcorn and watch one of these beauties and mess, but not on the carpet luv, it’s unsanitary.

Laters all. Lav ya bum.

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Halloween is a few weeks away and you’ve begun to search frantically for a costume. You dig through the attic and find that Cinderella dress you wore in second grade; it should be obvious that this outfit will no longer fit. Don’t leave the attic yet, though – you could probably safely get away with eating the Milky Way you found in one of the dress’ pockets, despite its age.

Okay, snack time over. It’s time for you to look elsewhere for a costume. Let’s talk about just girls’ costume options for now. A very common style for girls is one that actually encompasses a variety of costume types but has a basic makeup. All you need is some fishnet stockings, barely visible shorts/skirts, and a skimpy tank top. Now, to make this style all your own, simply add an accessory specific to a character and you’ve got your own individual outfit. For example, add a tiara and you have a princess. Add a stethoscope and suddenly you’re a nurse. Add a guitar logo to your tank top and you’ve just made yourself a rocker. Now you’re unique, just like everyone else.

These skimpy costumes that seem so original are actually all the boring same and they all portray the same thing to guys: SEX! I’m not saying that this is your motive for dressing in such a way, but be aware that showing some skin is going to excite the hormone levels in any guy.

Scandalous dress is a trick to girls and guys. If what a girl has isn’t for sale, why put it on display? She’s tricking herself and the people around her. While, she may feel that her outfit is harmless fun, she is in actuality portraying an entirely different message:  “I’m an emotionless sex object.” Girls, if that’s what you want, don’t be surprised if no guy respects you. How can they when you don’t respect yourself? After all, by dressing like a tramp, you send out the image that you lack confidence in your abilities and feel that the only way to attract guys is to do so with some legs and curves. Be aware that by presenting your  little eye candy “treat,” you’re playing a “trick” on yourself and on the guys around you who think you want something else.

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Skeletons, vampires, and ghosts are classic options for a successful halloween costume selection.

Answers to costume quandaries

What to be or not to be … That is the Halloween question. According to the National Retail Federation, it is estimated that this year, Americans will spend $4.75 billion on celebrating Halloween this year, of which nearly 40 percent will go to costume funds.

“Halloween has become the second biggest holiday, period. More money is spent on Halloween on any other holiday than Christmas,” says Rick Taylor, president of Taylor Maid Beauty Supply, Inc. “Halloween is not a children’s holiday anymore, it’s an adult holiday. Probably 75 percent of all the costumes sold are adult costumes.”

So how to choose what to be? Taylor has some advice.

“Costumes are such that people don’t want to be themselves,” he says. “They pick things [where] they can change their character a little bit. It’s surprising how much their character changes once they get into costume. Shy people become not-so-shy and it’s kind of fun to see.”

This year, Taylor says that some popular costumes have been Michael Jackson; the Watchmen, Disney and Star Wars characters; Superman and Wolverine. “Any movies that come out right about this time of year are the ones that tend to be more popular,” he adds.

Since Taylor Maid in Provo is a year-round store with a wide variety of costumes both for purchase and for rental, one way to get ideas for costumes is to visit the store.

“We have books and books you can look through. We have thousands of costumes you can rent and hundreds you can buy all year long. The best way to come in and look,” Taylor says. He also adds that the website has a partial archive of rentable costumes.

With student budgets, which are often lower than one would like, there are ways to look great without eating ramen for the rest of the year.

“Personally, I think that makeup is one of the things that really makes what you’re doing,” Taylor says. He adds that you can wear regular clothes, but with an accessory, such as a hat or a boa, and high quality makeup, you can transform into someone else for the night.

Another way to save money is to rent costumes as opposed to buying them. Taylor explains, “You get a much higher quality for what you can go and buy a cheap costume for.”

He also adds that Taylor Maid gives a year-round discount to students who show their UVU ID.

“I think that with the economy and all the troubles in the world … people just want to dress up and have fun,” says Taylor. “The ability to get out and have fun and laugh and get out the doldrums, as it were.”

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Lydia at work

Ello all, it’s that time again. Every year around this period, I start feeling it in my body. Cramps, irritability, anxiety, mood swings, angry outbursts and tender mamas are all signs that my favorite holiday – I like to call it ‘ween – is here. I hear some of you dissenters whispering that it’s too early for talk of ‘ween, but no, it’s not too early. It’s becoming more of a regular occurrence for Easter paraphernalia to appear on shelves just weeks after Christmas and Christmas goodies appear on the shelves just after Halloween. I think this is the perfect time to talk about our Dark Lord’s favorite day of the year. If it’s one thing you yanks do well, it’s Halloween.

Back in England, my buddies and I had so much fun at ‘ween. Then I came here, and I thought I’d died and gone to some kind of heaven. There were sweeties, chocolate (despite America not knowing how to make it taste good, I’m not picky), elaborate home and garden shows with the names of all the houses occupants written on little grave stones (bless), corn mazes, and my favorite … haunted houses.

When God thought to create haunted houses, he thought, “Well I don’t normally do this kind of thing, but let’s really try messing them up and put it down to adversity building character.” Well, on behalf of all America, thank you God, we owe you one.

Anyway, I digress. A year ago I was a corn maze virgin. Friends asked if I done it before, and I went “cheeky beggar…” and then said “no I never,” so off we went.

Wow, I was blown away. There’s not many places that you can be swallowed by an inflatable beast, see a giant pig and be chased by a chainsaw-wielding psycho. Back home, I’d either have to be at my mate Nobby’s house (say no more), or down the local nature reserve after midnight, only there’s less chainsaw-wielding psychos.

What I’m trying to say though, is don’t be sittin’ on yer arse all month and not be involved in this wonderful time of year. Every week I’ll be here to remind you of your duty to get some ‘ween, so go eat some sweeties and above all, if you’re a corn maze virgin, I think it’s high time you get shucked.

Laters all, lav ya spooky bums.

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