Meeting the prospects, cookie style

So you’re sitting alone on a Friday night looking through the pictures of all of your Facebook friends of the opposite sex, wondering who else is at home alone and bored out of their mind. You’ve reached the point where you’re almost desperate enough to put up a personal ad on Craigslist (We’ve all thought about it. It’s OK.). You feel like you’re in a relationship rut. You want to be dating someone, but there really isn’t anyone in your circle of acquaintances that shows any potential. It’s a frustrating feeling to be both alone and lonely.

If you want to break the downward spiral of solitude, it’s time to take action! Here is an adventurous idea to help expand your circle of friends, which also usually increases the number of your romantic prospects: “Hi, I made you cookies.”

Yes, it’s true. Cookies are a miraculous and virtually fail-proof tool to aid in the creation of new friendships. A few months ago, a friend of mine had the amazing idea to utilize the powers of the cookie. Some of you will not agree with the tactics I’m about to reveal, but it worked, and it was fun.

Every Sunday night we made a plate of delicious desserts and went out on patrol. The goal was to give the plate of cookies to an apartment of attractive young ladies that we did not yet know.

We started by crafting a story. A good example of one of our false scenarios is that we had made the cookies for a girl we recently met. Today is her birthday, and we planned to surprise her with the treats. We would pick an obscure name for our fictitious birthday girl so as not to mistakenly call upon the typical Ashley, Lindsey, Rachel or Jamie living in every other Utah Valley college apartment.

Once we had our story straight, we’d venture out to an apartment complex we were not familiar with and find a female residence. When the door was answered, we ask for our invented friend, only to be met with the expected confused looks and apologies. “Sorry, she doesn’t live here.”

“Oh, shoot!” we say. “We must have written down the wrong address. Do you guys have a ward directory handy? Maybe her address is in there.”Without fail, we’d get a directory. As one of us would look through the Mormon dating menu, the other quickly assessed the coolness of the occupants of the current apartment to decide whether we should give up the hunt for our birthday girl and just give the cookies to the ladies there or continue hunting.

If it was mutually decided that the hunt must go on, whoever glanced over the directory now had the names and faces of our next stop. When Ashley of apartment 303 answered the door, we knew exactly who she was. We’d greet her with a smile, and tell her we made her cookies.Suddenly, two once-lonely boys with a plate of cookies were the center of attention in a room full of girls.

The point of this idea is not, as some of you may think, to manipulate. Rather it’s a fun and virtually risk-free way to meet new people. Lots of the apartments we visited never ended in anything more than a date or two. What we really looked forward to was meeting new people and venturing outside our comfort zone.

Be creative! Do something new. Break social barriers, and get outside your comfort zone. There’s no reason to be lonely on a Friday night… especially  if you have cookies.

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Ladies, are you getting asked out, but have noticed that things rarely progress beyond the first date? You’ve had a great time ice blocking together, followed up with frozen yogurt and the most amazing conversation ever, but the days tick by and you don’t hear back from him. Fret not! You just need to get yourself out of the first-date funk. Oftentimes the only thing that stands in the way of a second date with that great guy is a little assertiveness on your end.

• Be gracious. Nothing turns a guy off more quickly than a girl who doesn’t appreciate him. Recognize the fact that it takes some backbone to ask you out in the first place, not to mention the detailed planning, the money and the significant risk to his self-esteem. A simple and sincere “thank you” can go a long way and set you apart from any other potential girlfriends.
• Break the touch barrier. The main love language of the vast majority of males on this planet is physical affection. It’s very possible you went home thinking your date was a mind-blowing success. You connected intellectually and really got to know each other on a deep personal level.  He, on the other hand, is wondering why you weren’t interested in him after trying so hard all night to maintain a quality conversation to prove his interest in you. I mean, you didn’t even touch him once! Not even a playful hit on the arm.
• Initiate post-date contact. If you had fun, don’t hesitate to text him that night on his way home and tell him you had a blast and that you hope to hear from him soon. The chances of him asking you out again drastically increase when he knows you actually enjoyed your time with him. Relationships are a two way road, requiring effort by both parties. Without a little encouragement, we men often talk ourselves right out of asking you out for that second date. Don’t let us do that – especially if you really would like a round two.

Now you know what to do! Break that second date barrier and you’ll find yourself in a relationship faster than you can say “I do.”

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“I’m in the friend zone.” These are five of the most loathed words to pass by the lips of singles in Utah Valley. If you are new to the term, “friend zone” refers to the point in a relationship where the woman no longer sees the man as a potential suitor, but only views him as a friend (or vice versa).  For many men and women alike, the friend zone is a curse which is nearly impossible to reverse.

The goal of this advice is to minimize your chances of building a permanent residence in the friend zone. The principles listed herein are directed more towards men, although they hold true in modified form for women as well.

Remember all those times you sat in the hall of flags, in the back row at church or at a table in a restaurant with your buddies? You play “catch the eye of the most gorgeous girl in the room,” and then it begins. “Why does that chick always date dirt-bags?” Fellas, it’s nothing new. The ladies love confidence. Yeah, I hate it when people feed me that line too, but it doesn’t make it any less true. The problem is that most guys don’t understand what confidence is. Confidence is not arrogance. It’s not being a complete jerk either. Confidence is going for what you want without appearing desperate. If you want the girl to be more than friends, treat her as more than a friend.

More often than not, we open the door to the friend zone and walk through unassisted. Here are a few relationship gateways that lead straight to that dreaded destination.

• Talking about other girls. Just don’t do it. We all know it’s good to have a pair and a spare, just in case things don’t work out with your first option … or your second. Everybody who is playing the field likes to keep their options open. But, for heaven’s sake, don’t let them know about each other! Nothing turns a girl off faster from considering a long term relationship than thinking you’re a player.

• Asking her about other dudes. If you are helping her work out issues she has with other boys, she will instantly and instinctively put you in the zone. Think about it this way: boyfriends don’t try to help their girlfriends resolve issues with other dudes. There shouldn’t be a need. If you want to be that boyfriend and she starts asking you for advice, it’s time to do something drastic! Reestablish yourself as being more than a friend, and please, for all that is good and holy, don’t give her advice!

• Don’t be desperate. Girls like to be wanted and loved, but they don’t like to be obsessed over. Most people looking for a relationship are looking for their equal, not the president of their own personal fan club. Don’t agree with everything she says for the sake of being agreeable. Don’t check up on her via text, Facebook and phone call every waking hour. Let her be independent. Make her miss your guts by pulling back every so often.

• Stop being so timid. Good grief, man! Touch her! Practice PJC (Prolonged Joint Contact). Physical affection is one of the best ways to demonstrate your romantic interest as a potential suitor. Put your hand around her when you stand next to each other. Give her an extra long hug. Play with her hair. If you’re not at the hand-holding stage yet, joke about it. Grab her hand, wink at her and then let go. Flirt! If you don’t make a move on her, she’s going to fall for someone who will.

Hopefully some of these tips will prove useful for some of the forlorn and lonely souls roaming our campus. Beyond anything, don’t get discouraged. There is no secret recipe to love. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out, but if you stop looking, the person who will appreciate you for exactly who you are and love your guts to the moon and back might just pass you by.

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