How to get away with being politically incorrect (or offensive)

Some days it is simply impossible to be considerate and kind.

Everyone knows that if they don’t let some negative energy out somehow, they might just explode. One of the best ways to do this is to put a comedic spin on that negativity. That way, by letting it out, you’re also getting a laugh. However, you have to be careful when using this method, because the repercussions can make the situation worse than it was to start out with.

1. Take a tip from the pros. There are many people who make a living by being offensive. These people (mostly comedians) have learned how to be politically incorrect with little or no fallout. So head over to YouTube, search for Carlos Mencia, George Lopez, old-school Eddie Murphy, Bill Maher, or George Carlin. Study their technique and mimic it.

2. Consider your motivation. There are several reasons to be offensive. Many of them are just unhealthy. If you feel that you must be insulting because you were insulted, or for revenge, then perhaps you should find another medium for your animosity. Something harmless, like subversive knitting or running a marathon. However, it is sometimes acceptable to be politically incorrect because you’re looking for a laugh, or because you have pent up social energy, and being offensive is the best way you can see to let it out.

3. It doesn’t hurt to be charming and attractive. In all aspects of life, we have to try to balance out the bad with the good. So, while being offensive or politically incorrect, be sure that some of your better qualities are shining through.

4. Find a common enemy with your audience. Don’t tell a sexist joke in front of all of your feminist friends. Only make fun of blondes while with brunettes. If you poke fun at someone that your audience isn’t fond of, they are more likely to agree with you.

5. Learn your boundaries. The most important thing about learning to be politically incorrect is to know when to stop. There is a line between a joke that will get you a good laugh, and a comment that will get you shot. Become acquainted with that line, and never cross it in public.

6. If you must find a way to vent all of your offensive remarks, and know that if you do so in public you might be punched, use characters in television or movies as target practice while you’re alone. Nothing is more entertaining and relaxing than yelling at the swooning heartthrob or shy outsider of a soap opera.

7. Do it anonymously. The Internet is a wonderful place where anyone can say anything they want, and it can remain generally anonymous. Start a blog like The Superficial or ONTD, and let loose all of your politically incorrect witticisms.

8. Remember that you’ve got to be willing to take the punishment. If you offend someone who has some sort of leeway over you (a professor, coach, bus driver, or bartender), you’ll probably have to deal with the consequences (a bad grade, a season on the bench, walking home for a month, or weeks of stale drinks).