Cannonized Cinema: Worst movies of 2011

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Another year has come and gone. Memberships at fitness gyms are on the rise and wedding dress shops are busy with the rush of newly engaged women. As people begin to adjust to writing ’12 instead of ’11 on lines labeled date, let us reflect on what the cinema gods have given us over this past year.


While 2011 gave us some great movies such as “Drive,” “Bridesmaids,” “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” and “The Muppets,” it also gave us some world class suck-fests. It seems that while there are movies that push the bounds of cinematic storytelling and awe the audiences with an overwhelming performance, there is also a small group of movies that, at best, seem like a half-assed effort to make a quick buck.


This seems somewhat boggling to me since it can take years and millions of dollars to make a movie. I cannot understand how these filmmakers seems to justify the cost/loss ratio for the major stinkers. Not to mention, when you consider how much economic trouble our nation/world is in, don’t you think it’s fiscally irresponsible to spend money on movies that are doomed to fail? What are the studios thinking? But I digress. Here are, in my humble opinion, the top five worst movies of 2011.


1. “Jack & Jill”


I can remember a time when Adam Sandler was funny. I remember laughing with joy at “Happy Gilmore,” “The Wedding Singer” and “The Waterboy.” But times have changed. Those movies were funny and popular in the 1990s. Two decades have past and what was funny then is now trite and lame. But no one seemed to tell Mr. Sandler that. He’s trying to recapture the glory of his former movies by dragging out the same old crude jokes and physical comedy. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not above saying that crude humor and physical comedy can’t be funny. The women of “Bridesmaids” taught us that. The trouble is Mr. Sandler can’t get past his old shtick. His jokes are old and have been seen a thousand times in either his films or others. I hate to say it but, grow up Mr. Sandler.


2. “New Year’s Eve”


I can only imagine what the pitch meeting was like for this movie. “Okay. We’re going to get a bunch of celebrity actors and actresses and have them half-heartedly portray the lives of New Yorkers on New Year’s Eve.” “I don’t know if that’ll work, Fred.” “Okay. what if we got even more celebrities?” “SOLD!” This is essentially what “New Year’s Eve” is. A bunch of celebrity actors and actresses try to be New Yorkers with the least amount of effort possible.


How many celebrities, do you ask? Here are some of the names: Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron, Robert De Niro, Halle Berry, Carl Elwes (of “The Princess Bride” fame), Alyssa Milano, Common (the rapper/actor), Jessica Biel, Seth Myers, Katherine Heigl, Jon Bon Jovi (as in, THE Jon Bon Jovi), Aston Kutcher,  Lea Michele (from “Glee”), James Belushi, Sarah Jessica Parker, Abigail Breslin (the cute girl off of “Little Miss Sunshine), Hilary Swank, Ludacris (another rapper/actor), Ryan Seacrest, the list goes on and on. My guess is most of the budget went to pay for these actors because it sure didn’t go towards getting a decent script.


3. “Red Riding Hood”


This film made absolutely no sense whatsoever. The end.

For more Cannonized Cinema, click here.

By Kelly Cannon – Life Editor

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