Top five reasons to go Black Friday Shopping:

By Nick Scholz


In Utah Valley, few events match our natural inclinations quite as well as Black Friday. It is the frightening union between dependable thrift and wanton consumerism, penny-pinching frugality and wildly irresponsible capitalism and it speaks to our deal-searching souls.


For those who find themselves on the fence about joining the early-morning crew, here’s a few good reasons to jump into the fray:


  1. You may be brutally beaten, but those deals sure won’t be!
  2. Provide a restful sleeping atmosphere for the significant other, roommate or family you leave at home.
  3. Finally get the chance to use those brass knuckles your brother bought you last Christmas.
  4. For regular people: Get your heart racing by waking up at 5:30 a.m.
    For parents: Kick up your feet, relax and sleep in until 5:30 a.m.
  5. Nothing beats watching a conservative Mormon housewife throw an elbow at an 85-year-old woman for grabbing the last iPod case.


Top five reasons to abstain from Black Friday Shopping:


Black Friday is the deal-distributing juggernaut of the world of American trade. Single-handedly elevating Christmas shopping to the status of “contact sport,” Black Friday is the Colossus of Rhodes of the bargain hunting world: it’s a beautiful monument to humanity at the beginning of the day and a tattered, war-torn pile of rubble at the end.


If you know you lack the fortitude to brave the killing fields of commerce, here are a few reasons to stay home and enjoy your Friday:


  1. Create your own tradition and watch the entire Lord of the Rings saga, back-to-back.
  2. Keep your work-free holiday weekend going by sleeping until noon.
  3. Sit at the computer with your finger hovering over the “Freeze Accounts” button to keep your significant other from spending too much.
  4. Catch up on the hobbies that school has kept you from enjoying – those chainsaws aren’t going to juggle themselves.
  5. Partake in the Turkey Day leftovers – all of them.