Slightmare on 13th

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Nightmare on 13th, located at 1300 South in Salt Lake City, has been voted by USA Today as the #1 Haunted House in America, though I must politely disagree. I want to like this place, I really do. Some of the rooms and effects were downright awesome, and the folks here had some great elements of a successful haunted house, but unfortunately, Nightmare on 13th may have become too popular for its own good.

Nightmare on 13th has attracted scores of people this year, and after waiting in a few Disneyland-style lines, our group of friends eventually found its way in with hundreds of other curious patrons. The folks of Nightmare on 13th do a pretty good job of keeping guests busy while waiting in line, but the problem of overcrowding is apparent throughout the experience.

Rather than being trapped in my own personal nightmare, my experience felt more of what I’m sure a cow’s nightmares are like — being herded around with a lot of other strangers and friends through a realm of unknown and mysterious events and on to an unknown end (though, unlike the cow, my nightmare didn’t end at some meat packaging plant).

Nightmare’s biggest weakness was the lack of one-on-one interaction with the actors who acted more like tour guides moving us along rather then tormentors chasing us down. All in all, this place is held back from being considered a great haunted house. If it had been just myself and a few friends, I could see this place being a blast, as once we had finished in the main haunted house, we went on to the Xtreme area for a few bucks more, which proved to have fewer people. The whole Xtreme area seemed more personal, and we got chased a whole lot more. It felt more like a nightmare and less like a museum. Why couldn’t the rest of the place have been like this?

The real nightmare that exists in this place can be found at any attraction or theme park- suffering in line surrounded by a bunch of horny kids and crude teenagers. With all of this being said, I guess I’ll have to leave my real nightmares to be fulfilled by Barrack Obama and his army of IRS agents.