Lydia does McDonald’s

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Ello all you food enthusiasts, its Aunty Lyds here and I’ve had food on my mind. So here’s some thought for food, as it were.


Now I don’t want to upset anyone here, but you know home cooking is the best, isn’t it? Yes Lydia, you are right, home cooking is the best. So when I say that British food is better than American, don’t be too upset. I mean even British Mackie D’s is better. The last time I went through the golden arches was three years ago. I asked for a banana milkshake and two bacon double cheeseburgers.


Well I’ve never been so insulted in my life. I had to repeat my order five times to the little Mexican behind the counter. I tried to tell him that I’d only been in the country for a short while and didn’t quite understand American as well as I should. Finally I realized that American McDonald’s don’t do banana milkshakes. Bloody heresy right there. We Brits didn’t let you have your independence so you could go and NOT OFFER MY FAVORITE FLAVOR OF MILKSHAKE, YA KNOW!


So I got strawb’ry. I took a couple of big sucks on it, and then spat a load on the counter, demanding to know what the hell was in my milkshake. There were still little bits in my mouth, so I puts a big lime-green nail in to retrieve the offending matter and found a small pinkish red blob and a couple of seeds. I hit the roof I did. I went bladdy mental. Yeah me, demure little-six-foot-three me. I asked to see the manager. After a while, this short bespectacled monstrosity of a woman (I think) came out and I told her that if I wanted actual fruit in my milkshake, I would have gone somewhere healthy. They offered me free stuff in response. Normally I’m all about the free, being a university student an’ all, but one bite from the almost slimy burger, I walked out without a word. The only way to console myself was with a Chili’s molten lava cake…or three. If only I could get me a nice cod ‘n chips, Pukka Pie, or battered sausage and gravy, my time here in the happy valley might be a bit more palatable, if you get my drift.


Laters all, lav ya bum.

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