Close Quarters: Roommate Etiquette 101
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Utah Valley University is now the largest university in the state of Utah with close to 35,000 students attending. With the rise in attendance to our university Utah county has encountered a small problem: housing—or in better words, the lack of housing—available to students. To solve this problem, housing structures are being built, but in the meantime we’re stuck with what we already had, which means lots of students in close proximity, all squeezing and tip-toeing around each other.
But then there’s that one roommate. The one who seems oblivious that there are other people in the apartment, who leaves dishes everywhere, leaves their laundry in the machine for three hours and whose girlfriend is around so much so that you’re considering charging her rent.
What’s a student to do? What is the social etiquette toward living with roommates? You’ve asked the right person. I have taught Etiquette for a number of years privately and for the continuing education program through Utah Valley University and the answers to the roommate problem takes some basic communication skills and problem solving which shouldn’t be a problem, right? After all we are all in college.
When setting up a household with roommates, it’s very important to lay down the house rules right upfront. Consider things like: what expenses are shared, people’s schedules and expectations. It’s even more beneficial to have these typed up and posted some place everyone will see them. Rules equal understanding and cooperation.
There’s a crumb!
Facts are facts. Having a clean house is difficult in the best of times, but adding multiple people to the mix makes it even worse. Never assume that they have your same level of cleanliness. They won’t. Please, just don’t be that roommate: the passive aggressive one that leaves post-it notes asking, “If you knew we had running water and soap” when you leave your plate on the counter. Don’t create that type of environment in your home. No one will want to interact or live with you and you will be a lonely soul. Instead ask politely which dishes belong to whom, and if they were done eating and that it would be great if they washed it, implying that you’d like the kitchen to remain tidy. It doesn’t hurt to roll up your sleeves and wash the dishes yourself once in awhile. Don’t get your feeling hurt over a dish or a crumb and don’t let things fester. Passive-aggressive roommates can ruin the best of relationships.
When should laundry get the eviction notice?
Time is precious. Waiting for dryers and washing machines to become available can drive a person insane! This one can be a tricky situation because no one likes to wait for a machine when the other person just walked away from it. Should you transfer the clothing into the dryer for them? No. There might be some expensive clothing that could get ruined in the dryer. After waiting 5-10 minutes to ensure that the clothing’s owner is not going to retrieve the clothing, you can evict the clothing yourself. Removing the clothing and putting it some place clean would be the most respectful thing to do. You can’t be too upset with someone who removed your clothing from a machine when it was you who left them there unattended.
Private time
You’re out of your parents’ house and you have an intoxicating new-found freedom and you’re out dating and meeting new people. Imagine your date asks to go to your place…and your three roommates are there. This is a huge problem! How do you have romantic relationships without sending your roommates into fits of frustration? First, respect your roommates! Communicate with them, shoot them a text or let them know beforehand that you will be bringing someone over. The more notice the better! Second, having someone over all the time is annoying to even the most “sweet spirited” roommates. Be choosey on when and how often your romantic interests come over. It’s not ok to set up camp in the front room watching Walking Dead for three days, be considerate. Finally, do not assume that your roommate is asleep and cannot hear you—especially when he is in the same room! No one, and I repeat, no one wants to be privy to your private life. Choose another time.