1. Nothing. Just own a long board.

2. Have you ever heard of APEX? Rad, right? Check out my car.

3. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

4. Are you an RM? Cause I’d love to speak in tongues with you.

5. Duh!! I’m from the O.C.

6. Yeah, I know McCain is so old. Who would vote for him? He has liver spots. Gross!!

Dating advice from Dave Iba

If I’m ever going to teach you anything about dating, it’s this: deception and lying. If you want to come across cool, just lie. Let’s be honest with ourselves (it’s just you and me here). I know you’re rad. Your World of Warcraft character has the best armor and the most spells, which is uber cool, right? Yeah, you totally kicked my trash last night at like 4 a.m. But girls and guys mostly don’t care about that. Just tell them that your dad invented glow sticks. Believe me: It works. If a chick ever says, “Hey, what’s up?” Just say “lots” or “so much stuff” then just make something up — even if you just wrecked on your bike.