The Breakup

Sometimes I get confused about the way some things are done in dating and I feel like I am the only one who questions things. One dating practice that is strange to me is the break up process.

When I am dating someone, I spend my time learning about him. I do this so I can analyze whether we would be a good match, but when I decide we are not, I break up with him. Call me picky, but I know what I want and this makes sense to me, but for some reason this takes a lot of guys off guard. They seem to think the breakup should be a group decision. I don’t get that at all.

I can understand why any other decision in a relationship could be a group decision, but I don’t get why this would be. Maybe someone could help me out with this and write me a letter to the editor, but I think this should never happen. I have had many experiences with this situation, but the worst of them happened last spring.

I dated a guy for a couple weeks who made breaking up a nightmare for me. He flat out wouldn’t let me break up with him. It was amazing. When he couldn’t get a hold of me, he contacted my roommate. She got several calls within a class period before calling him back, and she confirmed my suspicions that he would not be letting me break it off. That day I talked to him again and cleared things up, but that night he asked me if I wanted to go on a walk. After 15 minutes of walking he convinced me to take him back for a little bit longer.

If that wasn’t enough, he called me that night and told me he may have a hard time trusting my decisions in the future since I was so confused about this one. He is crazy and wrong about this. I knew it had to end.

Many guys have his problem in smaller amounts. What they need to know is that there doesn’t need to be a reason to break up. A girl should be able to break up without any reason apart from that she wants to. If it is what she wants, then it is just as valid as what the guy wants. It is hard for guys to understand what they don’t want to understand. This is probably the case with breakups.

I think a breakup is a personal decision. If anyone can clear things up for me and explain why guys seem to do this, I would love to read it and share it with UVU.

Response to the breakup

3 Responses to "The Breakup"

  1. Preston Hunter   September 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Dear Tiffany,

    I know in my case that I often want to know the reason why because there is obviously something that the girl just doesn’t like about me. And I would like to know if it is something that she just doesn’t like or if its something that I need to improve on.
    Now, I think the confusion comes in here when guys want to know what is wrong and want to fix the issue in order to keep the relationship alive.
    If you’re not happy with the guy you’re dating and want to break up with him, guys need to learn that a relationship is over but that it is still worth knowing how they can continue to become their best selves for when the right gal comes along.
    Don’t we as men deserve to know how to become better? That critique often only will come from the honesty of our female friends! But we must also learn to let a relationship go in order to grow and be ready for that special…

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  2. anonymous   September 16, 2012 at 2:46 am

    It appears to me that you’re approaching dating like a business and omitting essential cinsideration for human emotion. You cant date a guy, and drop him without some sort of explanation as to why. I understand that you may have legitimately found things about him that you do not like, and you have every right to break up with him. Remember though, that his feelings for you are likely to be strong. When you make the breakoff official, he will be hurt and self confidence will be damaged. The first question that comes to mind is always “what’s wrong with me?” It you’ve ever had to ask yourself that question before, then you know how painful that can be. It is fairly cold to damage another person without reason. If you want to break up, you MUST have some reason and he deserves to know why. Why is a man expected to achieve perfection without feedback? How can a man ever become what a…

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  3. Broken man   September 16, 2012 at 3:06 am

    Your desire to break up without giving a reason suggests that you may struggle with confrontation. Maybe even with communication as a whole. It seems that your reasoning omits his feelings. For any relationship to be successful you will need to be capable of expressing frustrations and then be willing to work/ discuss with the significant other how you can improve your relationship.

    I’m sure you’ve come across serious reasons to break up, but I promise you that if you end every relationship without explaining why you will miss out on something wonderful. Often people don’t know why they bother or frustrate others. When someone is in love, they will change habits to please the one they love. This is essential to any successful relationship and it is called compromise. Nothing makes a couple feel closer and stronger than sucessfully overcoming hard times through compromise. You learn…

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