Bringing back the old timers

Like most college students, I hate getting old. Every birthday feels like sticking a rusty nail through my funny bone, maybe even worse. On my ninth birthday, my cousin told me to “enjoy being nine” because it was the best age to be. Many years later, I actually feel old.

I can’t imagine how it would feel to be a retired athlete — a recluse, spending every morning thinking that you still have it in you, knowing subconsciously that your mind is playing tricks on your body.

I agree with The Who’s “My Generation” line: “I hope I die before I get old.” I’m glad, however, that many disagree; I always like to hear news about old timers trying to make a comeback of some sort.

Lance Armstrong recently announced he’s going to give his legs a try once again in the Tour de France. In his defense, he claims he’s only doing it for cancer awareness, and has declined to take the winning prize should he win. I wouldn’t care if he were doing it for extinct chalkboards awareness; I’m just glad he’s on his bike again and riding. I hope he wins the Tour Down Under in Australia and dominates the Tour de France only to peacefully die in his bed … or on his bike ride home.

Wasn’t it magical when Michael Jordan came back? Sure, I was an annoying Jazz fan and held deep, deep resentment for MJ, but the man was old, and his body was worn from the many championships he’d stolen. Now looking back at the great moments the world’s greatest basketball player created, aren’t you glad he made that comeback?

What about Bret Favre? Sure, Monday night football was a fluke, and Favre threw his share of interceptions. But come on, the guy is almost 40, and he’s cashing in a $12.7 million salary. With him on the Jets, their fans actually think they have a chance — that’s true power.

There are many, many more examples, such as Bill Cosby and his ageless, flawless comedy; Diego Maradona and his socialist activism; even Warren Buffet flexing his financial muscles by investing $5 billion in Goldman Sachs. Not to save the U.S. from Armageddon, of course, but rather to make money — “the price was right.” Nice one Buffet.

Which favorite old timers do you wish would come back?

Personally I’m still waiting for John Stockton. Give me your response at

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