Men have been struggling to solve the mystery that is the female thought process for centuries with little success. Given that women are the more complicated sex, it seems only fair to expose a few of the simple ways a man can please a woman in a relationship.

1. Let her be the one to call you. This is unassuming and considerate of her own busy life.

2. Rather than planning intricate, sentimental dates yourself, let her do all of the work. This will make her feel important and allow her to customize them to her satisfaction.

3. Don’t be chivalrous. This is basically saying, “You are the weaker sex and are incapable of opening your own door.” Occasionally asking her to open your door may boost her self esteem.

4. If caught in a lie, another elaborate fabrication will fix the situation. Women don’t care about honesty in a relationship; they only want to hear something that makes them feel better.

5. Don’t pay attention when she is talking to you. This secretly shows that you really care about what she has to say. Maybe try staring at the television instead of her, or possibly falling asleep.

6. Bring up ex-girlfriends. It will make you seem more desirable and she will really enjoy hearing about them.

7. Stop caring about your appearance. Gain a few pounds and stop showering. This way she knows you aren’t trying to attract other women.

8. Point out her flaws. She will know that it is out of love and concern for her own well being and won’t take it personally.

9. Stare at other attractive women in public. This will make her realize that she is lucky to be with you and will motivate her to gratify your every whim.

10. Completely ignore her when you are with your friends. Women hate clingy men, and she already knows how much you care about her.

11. If a problem arises in your relationship, don’t address it. Women can’t stand over-analyzing things and she doesn’t need closure.

12. Once you hit the month mark, don’t be romantic or thoughtful anymore. While she might’ve liked those attentions in the beginning of your relationship, now they would seem over-used and insincere.

13. If she has ambition and wants to do something meaningful with her life, talk her out of it. This will spare her the heartache of not being able to make it in a man’s world.