If you were in a roller-derby league, what would your track name be?

“I’d part my hair, and I’d have have a shirt and tie. I’d be called ‘Dudley Do Right.’”
–Sterling Gray, Assistant News Editor

“I’d be ‘The Hellish Hassle.’ It’s the exact opposite of my name.”
–Celeste Tholen-Rosenlof, Opinions Editor

“I would be ‘The Demolisher,” and that would be my sole purpose.”
–Kira Terry, Sports Editor

“‘Captain Murderdeathkill, or CMDK’ as an homage to DEMOLITION MAN, and I would fight crime on the side.”
–Jarom Moore, Assistant News Editor

“I’d be ‘Matt the Gnat’ because I would always be bugging people at the worst possible time on the rink.
–Matt Peterson, Copy Editor

“‘Punky Bruiser.’ I’ve had that name for a year. I’ve been waiting for this.”
–Andrea Whatcott, News Editor

“Ella Bitchgerald—Because it fits the roller-derby formula of combining the name of an iconic woman with something crass/threatening.”
–Emma Hunt Samudio, Managing Editor