How to spot a good Mormon boy

See also: every single male on Student Association. Photo courtesy of Flickr.
See also: every single male on Student Association. Photo courtesy of Flickr.

Ask any girl (or certain guys, for that matter) in this town and they’ll tell you, “Oh yeah, there’s an RM aesthetic for sure.” Whether the guys know it or not, they make themselves more attractive by wearing this aesthetic. This is what it usually looks like:

1. Hair is most often a crew cut style and gently gelled. Much longer than that and it’s usually heavily gelled in Japanese anime-type swishes and swirls. Never dyed.

2. Pants are usually jeans bought from American Eagle or Buckle, sometimes Gap. Not unusual to see him wearing soft yellow or green button up shirts with sleeves rolled up and top unbuttoned to show a plain white T underneath. Shorts are usually tan or light brown.

3. Everything he says is with a smile and light laugh (even if it’s to tell you he’s going to kill you in your sleep) using warm, friendly tones he probably learned in the MTC. Teeth look like they’ve had whitening work done.

4. Skin has a slight tan. This can be genetic but is more often a result of mommy and daddy taking him on cruises, southern Utah and California trips, not to mention his possible mission in a tropical climate. Usually physically toned, but often due only to church basketball and the occasional visit to the gym.

5. In terms of skills or interests, he usually sings, plays guitar, wins at video games, loves the Jason Bourne movies, excels athletically, hates Obama and the only fiction he’s read in the past two years has been Dan Brown and the last Harry Potter book.

2 Responses to "How to spot a good Mormon boy"

  1. Jeff   April 13, 2010 at 9:33 am

    You forgot to mention that “Good Mormon Boys” all listen to Brian Reagan and wear sweaters with button up shirts underneath…

    Please, what a waste of paper. I have plenty of Mormon friends that went on missions and they don’t act like this. Stereotyping is the easiest and lousiest form of an attempt to be funny.
    “All male members of The UVU review wear highly overpriced Dolce Gabbana glasses (which sometimes are actually perscription-lensed) and half of the staff are gay. Most of the girls spend way too much time and money on their attire as well, completely contradicting the theme of the “Bona Fide” beauty day article. What a riot!”

    Wow, that stereotyping was hard to come up with! It took maybe two minutes to do. Stop presenting UVU students with mere kennel liner. Your writing and that of most of the Review’s is the equivalent of Journalistic French Fries- no real…

    Reply
  2. Kaye   April 13, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Jeff, I refer you to Andy Sherwin’s article in the Opinions section.

    http://www.uvureview.com/2010/04/12/your-name-here/

    Reply

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