Galliano was my love muppet.

Ello all you fashion-forward lot. A few years ago I was doing the rounds at the Milan, Paris and London fashion scenes. My friends Matina, La Lemmah and I became a part of Galliano’s inner fashion circle. He gave us fashion focus projects so that he could be informed and on the cutting edge of his game. Haute Couture was and still is a big deal in my life. Anyway, we learned many things from Galliano, about fashion, life and the art of sewing, so I’m going to impart some of this fashion advice for all you students out there.

Bodices: You need a good bodice. Tailor-made to fit your particulars and able to lace up the back. These can be sequined, but I think appliqué is so underused at the moment. A nice red and blush lily draping from one breast round to your coccyx would be fabulous. Also a push-up bra underneath might help if you’re a bit flat-chested. Don’t worry – it’s more normal than you think.

Dresses and skirts: Now this one can be tricky. Despite what some might say, dresses and skirts don’t always work for all body types. I would suggest a beautiful wrap that parts at the front and trails off to the back in a train. Now, this can be sparkly gold fabric or can be laced with any number of carats, cos if you’re like me you just love a bit of gold.

Knik-knoks: Ok, so we have this parting at the front; you’re thinking that you’re a bit exposed. I already thought about that. You need some shiny, tight knic-knocs that cover the prize at the end of yer passion trail. I would suggest black gold. Some people like sparkly bits right there, but unless you’ve got a one-track mind and that tracks going only one place, then it’s best not to draw too much attention.

Head, hands and feet: I love wigs. White ones are my favorite ever since Viv Westwood’s Liaisons Dangeroux-inspired shows, and I always like diamonds or opals in my jewelry. Shoes must be winkel pickers or have a seven-inch heel. Heed this advice and you can sing while you win.

Well that’s the men taken care of, now for the ladies. Ooh I seem to have run out of time. Um… do all the above, just add a bit of pink.

Laters all, luv ya bum.

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