Top five reasons to go Black Friday Shopping:
By Nick Scholz
In Utah Valley, few events match our natural inclinations quite as well as Black Friday. It is the frightening union between dependable thrift and wanton consumerism, penny-pinching frugality and wildly irresponsible capitalism and it speaks to our deal-searching souls.
For those who find themselves on the fence about joining the early-morning crew, here’s a few good reasons to jump into the fray:
- You may be brutally beaten, but those deals sure won’t be!
- Provide a restful sleeping atmosphere for the significant other, roommate or family you leave at home.
- Finally get the chance to use those brass knuckles your brother bought you last Christmas.
- For regular people: Get your heart racing by waking up at 5:30 a.m.
For parents: Kick up your feet, relax and sleep in until 5:30 a.m.
- Nothing beats watching a conservative Mormon housewife throw an elbow at an 85-year-old woman for grabbing the last iPod case.
Top five reasons to abstain from Black Friday Shopping:
Black Friday is the deal-distributing juggernaut of the world of American trade. Single-handedly elevating Christmas shopping to the status of “contact sport,” Black Friday is the Colossus of Rhodes of the bargain hunting world: it’s a beautiful monument to humanity at the beginning of the day and a tattered, war-torn pile of rubble at the end.
If you know you lack the fortitude to brave the killing fields of commerce, here are a few reasons to stay home and enjoy your Friday:
- Create your own tradition and watch the entire Lord of the Rings saga, back-to-back.
- Keep your work-free holiday weekend going by sleeping until noon.
- Sit at the computer with your finger hovering over the “Freeze Accounts” button to keep your significant other from spending too much.
- Catch up on the hobbies that school has kept you from enjoying – those chainsaws aren’t going to juggle themselves.
- Partake in the Turkey Day leftovers – all of them.