Why Halloween is better than Easter and other holidays
It’s no secret that many of us look forward to Halloween, aside from the overzealous Christians who claim that Halloween is a celebration of witchcraft and devil-worshipping, but that’s not the point here.
While Halloween is a fun holiday, many people of certain demographics view Halloween as the best holiday of the year. Below are several reasons why Halloween is a better holiday than Easter.
For supernatural myths, Halloween is better than Easter because:
What used to be one of the most sacred holidays in Christianity, Easter is now all about bunnies and candy. Your parents tell you that a giant white bunny with a tacky bowtie and a basket prowls around your backyard in the middle of the night to hide various colored eggs. On Halloween, however, you get to prove that your parents are bald-faced liars by surviving at least three things that they said would kill you: Staying out late, dressing like criminals and taking candy from strangers.
For candy, Halloween is better than Easter because:
The payload of Easter candy and other treats only lasts you a week, maybe two at best. The only plus is that you get to suck and chew on a huge rabbit made out of chocolate. It’s fun until the end when you get “chocolate throat” (chocolate throat is when your throat feels funny after eating so much chocolate).
Halloween, on the other hand, is where the sugar is gold. Forget those wimpy Easter-colored jellybeans and Peeps. They hold no glory to the real thing: mountains of Kit Kats, Nerds, lollipops and hundreds of assorted wrapped candies guaranteed to make your teeth rot and give you sugar highs until your mother forces you to throw it away.
Now, let’s move on to other holidays.
For geeks, Halloween is better than Valentine’s Day because:
Let’s face it, there is nothing worse than being at home glued to the computer while your so-called friends are lavishing themselves on a romance buffet. Hence one of the reasons why Valentine’s Day is, not coincidentally, looked upon as one of the most hated holidays of the year in the social world. Hey, at least you’re not the only one actively despising everything there is about V-Day.
From the happy people in relationships to those chalky little sugar heart candies you got in grade school, there is a lot to dislike about this holiday. Other people have a piece of the love pie, but geeks don’t, and geeks do not like this. On Halloween, however, no one cares what you looks like. As long as you have an awesome costume, everything else is fair game in the dating world. Unless you attend Comic-Con, this is the only holiday of the year that people don’t laugh you off to scorn for dressing up as Doctor Who or Batman.
For people with children, Halloween is better than Christmas because:
It’s all about the tears of joy in your kids’ eyes as they eagerly open the presents under the trees that you bought. Just don’t destroy their hopes and dreams by telling them that those presents did not magically appear. Or there is no such thing of a big, jolly man flying around in the middle of the night to leave presents at every house in the world and eat all of their cookies (although that could explain why St. Nick is always portrayed as almost morbidly obese).
On Halloween, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to run down the street with a knife in your head and an eye dangling out of its socket while screaming bloody murder. In the long run, it will make everything a lot easier for your kids when they learn the truth about Santa Claus.
For movies, Halloween is better than:
Every freaking holiday! Holiday movies are universally known as the tackiest and cheesiest movies in the world. While they’re generally aimed at kids, they’re completely unwatchable every other day of the year.
Valentine’s Day movies are so fake and gushing with crappy romances. Easter movies will drive you up the wall with their singing bunny tripe (example: “Hop”). There is absolutely nothing magical and Christmas-y about “Elf,” “Fred Claus” or “The Star Wars Holiday Special.” The only real Christmas classics are “Miracle on 34th Street” and “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”
But Halloween movies, on the other hand, are awesome, even the ones made for kids. We all remember the classic “The Nightmare Before Christmas” by Tim Burton. For the more mature movies in particular, you get to treat yourself to serial killers, psycho madmen, poltergeists, vampires (Twilight doesn’t count), classic Frankenstein, Mummies and so forth. As long as it’s scary, it’s almost guaranteed to be a good Halloween movie.