Time to press the panic button?

For Utah Jazz fans there are two ways of looking at the rocky start into which the team has stumbled early this season. After a discouraging loss to the Boston Celtics, the Jazz are 3-5 and chemistry seems to be a big issue. Utah has lost games to the Houston Rockets, Dallas Mavericks and Sacramento […]

Official declaration of war

This Tuesday, UVU’s administration issued a shocking proclamation; UVU has officially declared war on Brigham Young University. The declaration stated that UVU was forced to take action because of BYU’s “repeated and annoying acts of douchebaggery against the faculty, staff, and students of Utah Valley University.

Hipster briefs

A local anonymous hipster, known among students as “the one with the bright pink fixie and the beanie made of yak fur,” has been temporarily ostracized by his peers for making a quick decision about which blended coffee drink to purchase at the Starbucks at University Mall.

Bikini Cuts chain gets bigger

Bikini Cuts hair salon is set to open up shop on UVU campus in the Sorensen Student Center as soon as summer semester classes begin. “We’re very excited to open up our UVU Bikini Cuts location,” said Bikini Cuts owner Rod Ellis. “We’ve always wanted a Utah Valley presence, and UVU just seems like the perfect fit.

Ugg Boots Outlawed

In an effort to improve the environment at UVU, President Holland’s first act as leader was to ban the popular Ugg Boots. Protests have sprung up all around campus in response to this result. “I’m outraged,” said a UVU protestor, “I’m going to get all of my girlfriends from BYU to help with this unfair decision.

Jenn’s Dusty Future

Despite having unfortunate, short commercial breaks, the stand out film of 2010 is going to be Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks reuniting in the flick You’ve Got G-mail. Yes, the technology driven romance theme is back and it is still conveniently based on the internet.

UVU student looks to make a fortune this summer selling security systems

Jimmy Vipple is excited (to put it mildly) to make the big bucks this summer. “I’m stoked,” Vipple said. “I mean, EPX says that the least amount made by a sales rep last summer was around 20 grand. That’s so much money!” Vipple, along with others, attended a meeting in which they learned they “would be fools not too sell for EPX this summer.

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