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Time to press the panic button?

For Utah Jazz fans there are two ways of looking at the rocky start into which the team has stumbled early this season. After a discouraging loss to the Boston…

Arches: Ultimate advertising opportunity

Arches National Park became the first national park to capitalize on former Pres. Bush's lame duck loosening of environmental safeguards. They will now hold auctions that will allow advertisers access…

Official declaration of war

This Tuesday, UVU's administration issued a shocking proclamation; UVU has officially declared war on Brigham Young University. The declaration stated that UVU was forced to take action because of BYU's…

Bikini Cuts chain gets bigger

Bikini Cuts hair salon is set to open up shop on UVU campus in the Sorensen Student Center as soon as summer semester classes begin. "We're very excited to open…

Institute declares crosswalks/looking both ways unnecessary for garment wearers

The State Board of Regents should not have to waste valuable tax dollars on over-indulgent social programs such as crosswalks and orange signal flags for UVU students who refuse to…

UVU student looks to make a fortune this summer selling security systems

Jimmy Vipple is excited (to put it mildly) to make the big bucks this summer. "I'm stoked," Vipple said. "I mean, EPX says that the least amount made by a…

D&C 89 taking it to the streets

Highway 89, commonly known in the area as State Street, has now changed its name to D&C 89. State legislators made quick work towards the unanimous decision, even amid protests…

Seagulls finally recognized as the douchebags of the bird world

After decades of attempting to clean up the seagull's reputation, the American Avian Society has finally decided to call a spade a spade and admit that seagulls are douchebags. The…

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