I am not your mother reminding you to brush your teeth. I am not your sister making rude remarks about your greasy face. I am not your girlfriend telling you your body smells like five day-old sushi. I am not your love interest staring at your unibrow. I am not the cute girl who does not dare to tell you that a lime green booger is dangling from your left nostril. Your other left. Who am I? I am your wingman.
From Batman and Robin to Maverick and Goose all the way down to Spanky and Alfalfa, men throughout the ages have had each others’ back. And today, I have yours.
Why does it feel like eternity when we wait for a woman to get ready? They are taking the time to look good for us guys who only take five minutes. Women are prettier by nature, so shouldn’t WE take more time in making ourselves look good? God knows that some of us need more than five minutes. Don’t believe me? Ask a woman. Your family really has no choice but to put up with you, but simple grooming and hygiene makes all the difference in relationships and friendships.
Here are basic hygiene steps
– Shower. EVERY DAY
– Use scented soaps and body washes (Axe, Old Spice, etc.)
– Use deodorant/body spray (Axe, Tag, Speed Stick, etc.)
– Use cologne. Choose wisely and don’t shower in it.
– Wash your face. Moisturize.
– Check constantly for boogers.
– Brush your teeth. Keep gum and mints handy.
– Trim fingernails.
These are just the basics, simple yet effective. Do yourself a favor and invest in these things and you are likely to get more action than your World of Warcraft character. The people who sit around you in class will thank you for it, too. My job here is done. Once you have mastered these techniques, be a pal and help your oblivious fellow man. Ladies, you are welcome.