Institute declares crosswalks/looking both ways unnecessary for garment wearers
The State Board of Regents should not have to waste valuable tax dollars on over-indulgent social programs such as crosswalks and orange signal flags for UVU students who refuse to make themselves worthy of temple garments, according to an Institute faculty member.
Aiche Spinser Effingham, special assistant to the president of the Orem Institute of Religion, LaVyrle Christiansen Sr., spoke at length Tuesday, March 17 to an audience primarily comprised of members of the institute choir, on the “host” of problems facing UVU in the most recent bout of “signs of the apocalypse.”
In his speech, Effingham expressed sentiments suggesting that state spending on any on-campus safety measures is an affront to the faith-oriented character of the “typical” UVU student. Any use of funds provided by the commonwealth of the LDS population, Effingham said, “is the adversary’s plot to strong-arm the legislature into footing the bill to protect secular students from the just consequences of their own iniquity.”
“It was one of those real bosom-burning, come-to-Jesus talks,” said Ammon Hansen, a Junior Integrated Studies major emphasizing in business management and religious studies. “But he was right. It’s hard enough to stockpile guns and food storage in these difficult economic times. We don’t want to foot the bill for the same people who will most likely try to eat us when the end times come.”
Christiansen said that he is aware that some of Effingham’s statements might be taken as inflammatory. But he also expressed that given the current economic and political climate, the time for “pulling punches” has passed. “I’ve just been so thankful to have a man of such passionate conviction as my assistant,” Christiansen said. “It’s just been wonderful the way he feels impressed to say what’s on my mind without me having to tell him.”
“Of what use are crosswalks or looking both ways to those who know of a surety what is to come,” Effingham said. “If they heed the promptings of the spirit their actions will be informed by a testimony of whether or not the roads are clear.”
Effingham emphasized his wishes that all funding for new crosswalks be immediately cut and that any surpluses of orange signal flags, reflective white paint or reflective vests be re-appropriated for mandatory use in what he called “the only really pressing identification issues on campus;” the atheists and the gays.